Surge!, pt III

Quoted for truth (Scott "Dilbert" Adams on his weblog):

President Bush has unveiled his plan to achieve the top goal of his presidency: a popularity rating of zero. The only risk to his plan is if this Iraqi “surge” concept actually works. So let’s examine his chances.

On the American side, all we have to do is stretch the military to the point of breaking, spend tens of billions of dollars, and do what has never been done, i.e. secure a major Iraqi city and let the highly capable Iraqi government forces hold it. And popularity-wise, it would be helpful to do that without any casualties. This is the same successful strategy that has brought democracy to several blocks in Kabul, except at night.

On the flip side, the insurgents will be faced with the insurmountable task of going on vacation outside of Baghdad until all the surging is finished. Then they can wander back, all tanned and rested, and pick up where they left off. They might face some stiff resistance from the three or four Iraqi government forces who inadvertently shoot in their general direction, but that will allow the insurgents some much needed practice in torturing and kidnapping. It’s good to stay sharp.

We would ask at this point, of the true believers who claim victory is still attainable: what would "victory" look like?

A peaceful Iraq? Nuke Baghdad. There's nothing quieter than a sea of glass.

A peaceful, civil Iraq? Withdraw. The Shi'a will take charge, execute all the Sunni they need to get things in line.

Stability in an oil-rich country? Withdraw. Same result as above. Once Moqtada realizes that he needs money to run a country (and finance terrorism), he'll put his least corrupt men on pipeline duty and resume exporting light sweet crude.

A peaceful, civil Iraq with equal legal and cultural protection for two sects that have been warring for over a dozen centuries? We submit that it cannot be done.